SKU/Artículo: AMZ-0998694967

This Fall: Essays

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Paperback

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  • This Fall is a testimony of personal recovery told through a record of my daily walks in the woods over about a month’s time during the first stunning autumn after my wife Carol’s sudden passing. Our walks in the lovely natural spaces of Boyce Park just outside Pittsburgh had become over many years—what we talked about and witnessed together there—the foundation for our loving partnership. When she was no longer with me, I had to learn how to walk again, by myself of course, but with her still, in the way all the best people in our lives accompany us even when we’re not lucky enough to have them beside us. These vignettes, written spontaneously immediately after each walk, before I went to work, opened a path for me to come to terms with my loss and with the new life that began to emerge day by day through the lustrous ongoing leaf fall. This is not a book that tells you how to cope with grief. I read lots of those. They didn’t help. Mine documents a very personal journey that gives credence to all the inner turmoil—the dark and the light, the horrors and the glories—that our culture tends to dismiss, even shame us for, when we have to walk alone for a while in the shadow of a grave loss. If you seek out natural landscapes to help you navigate a way through personal losses, I hope you might see a reflection of your journey mirrored in mine, even be inspired to write a book of your own based on what you are witnessing along the path to recovery, day by day, through your own wondrous spaces. From the preface: "As you will find out shortly, I walk in the woods every day, usually in the morning, for an hour or so, as my wife Carol and I did for years before she passed away last winter. We used to have on those walks wonderfully circuitous conversations about anything and everything all rolled up together, day after day, completely unscripted, always surprising, like elaborate mazes we navigated to pass the time pleasingly together while we walked. These walks and these talks somehow kept us grounded, steady, ready together to take on what we had to take on to make a way in a world where “normal,” or at least a convincing simulation of it, is often obligatory. I was in a state of great agitation this fall, all kinds of loose threads flipping around looking for a pattern to turn into, my trying to figure out how to live now that I’m alone. Carol was not there to talk to about this, so I talked to myself in the one place I knew would let me do that without inhibition, in the woods, and with the things that had always seemed eager and able to listen to us, daily, which is what I needed, what anyone needs, when the stakes are so high, the entanglements so baffling. These verbal sketches document some of what I thought on those walks, an unpredictable tapestry made from what I’m seeing, reading, teaching, remembering. I am sad to have to write them. If Carol were still walking with me, I wouldn’t need to. And I’d still think I was normal."
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